Post by ROcK! on Sept 4, 2013 18:36:29 GMT -5
Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19: Today You will not win the lottery, any sweepstakes or contest, or even at Bingo either. You might as well just throw your money in the trash, that's how bad your luck will be today.
Taurus Apr 20 - May 20: This will be one of those days where you should have just stayed in bed. But like the big, stubborn idiot that you are, you will not listen to reason.
Gemini May 21 - June 20: That sinkful of dirty dishes and hamperful of dirty clothes will not clean themselves you know. Stop reading useless horoscopes and get busy, you lazy slacker!
Cancer June 21 - July 22: Today is a good day to fart around the house doing nothing and picking your nose. Two things that you excel at.
Leo July 23 - Aug 22: Today is the first day of the rest of your boring, uneventful, and tedious life.
Virgo Aug 23 - Sept 22: Isn't it about time that you made a difference and finally got that High School Diploma and moved out of your parent's basement?
Libra Sept 23 - Oct 22: God, you need help. You're sick! Get some therapy!
Scorpio Oct 23 - Nov 21: Now is the time to change careers. The world needs ditch diggers too, y'know.
Sagittarius Nov 22 - Dec 21: Did you ever get that feeling that you were born under a bad sign? Well, guess what...YOU WERE!
Capricorn Dec 22 - Jan 19: Today just isn't your lucky day. In fact, all of the planets are totally aligned against you!
Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18: Today you will stub your toe, bump your head, get a paper cut, and feel gassy. And that's all just in the first hour! It's just not gonna be your day, is it?
Pisces Feb 19 - March 20: Today you will meet a tall dark mysterious stranger...who turns out to be a psycho. RUN!
Taurus Apr 20 - May 20: This will be one of those days where you should have just stayed in bed. But like the big, stubborn idiot that you are, you will not listen to reason.
Gemini May 21 - June 20: That sinkful of dirty dishes and hamperful of dirty clothes will not clean themselves you know. Stop reading useless horoscopes and get busy, you lazy slacker!
Cancer June 21 - July 22: Today is a good day to fart around the house doing nothing and picking your nose. Two things that you excel at.
Leo July 23 - Aug 22: Today is the first day of the rest of your boring, uneventful, and tedious life.
Virgo Aug 23 - Sept 22: Isn't it about time that you made a difference and finally got that High School Diploma and moved out of your parent's basement?
Libra Sept 23 - Oct 22: God, you need help. You're sick! Get some therapy!
Scorpio Oct 23 - Nov 21: Now is the time to change careers. The world needs ditch diggers too, y'know.
Sagittarius Nov 22 - Dec 21: Did you ever get that feeling that you were born under a bad sign? Well, guess what...YOU WERE!
Capricorn Dec 22 - Jan 19: Today just isn't your lucky day. In fact, all of the planets are totally aligned against you!
Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18: Today you will stub your toe, bump your head, get a paper cut, and feel gassy. And that's all just in the first hour! It's just not gonna be your day, is it?
Pisces Feb 19 - March 20: Today you will meet a tall dark mysterious stranger...who turns out to be a psycho. RUN!
