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Post by ROcK! on Feb 7, 2019 13:02:13 GMT -5
Hello and Welcome to the Story Thread! On this thread everyone is welcome to participate in on the world's most ambitious writing project ever... Or not. A story created by a multitude of minds and ideas thrown together in a huge, virtual blender in the attempt to create something kinda remotely readable and coherent. A story so strange, involving, imaginative and massive in scope that it could only have been created with the help, input and wild, crazy ideas and imaginations of a group of inexperienced story writers looking to whet their appetites at creating the ultimate ensemble story. Either that or they are just bored and want to waste some time goofing around online for a little while? Okay, now... The only rule is that you should make your exciting, riveting, intriguing addition to the story be only a paragraph in length at a time while allowing the next person to add their take on the next part of the story before again adding your next addition to it. After all, nobody likes an attention hog.
Anywhooo... I will kick things off here with the mysterious beginning of the first story...
It was a cold, dark and stormy night...
That's it. That's all I got. Now it's your turn. Show us what you got!
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Post by BitterSweet ® on Feb 7, 2019 13:55:44 GMT -5
It was a cold dark and stormy nite! As we sat by the flickering fireside stirring the bubbling cauldron...U could hear the wind in the Willow and the crackling of fallen branches. The ol` Owl hooting, wen awl of a sudden we heard a screeching in the distance!!!
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Post by ROcK! on Feb 7, 2019 14:17:24 GMT -5
It was the next door neighbor, Ms. Ronna McDonald, who had just returned from a 2-week, all-expenses paid trip to the Bahamas that she had recently won on a local TV game show. She had just arrived back home when she noticed that her beloved tomato garden had not been watered and tended to since the day that she had left. Something that she had specifically entrusted her neighbors to look after to before she had departed. Not only that but, her favorite gnome lawn ornament had been missing from her property! What kind of evil, devious mind could possibly be behind such a thing, she wondered to herself?!
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Post by BitterSweet ® on Feb 7, 2019 14:53:30 GMT -5
YES! It was ms. McDonald who I heard screaming and the very one who owned that McDonald farm on the other side of the forest through the trees!! Wen I ~~~flew~~~ over there to investigate, Ronna mentioned that garden gnome was missing! Hm, since I was aware that gnomes, and Roger Stone were both dirty tricksters and were evil and of devious mind, I thus deduced that this mischievous little guardian of the underworld prolly was responsible for 90% rotten tomatoes as well as other dank dark disappearances!
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Post by ROcK! on Feb 7, 2019 15:20:15 GMT -5
Just then the TV mysteriously turned itself on to CNN and on the screen was none other than the famous fake newscaster, Don Juan Lemonhead himself! He was in the midst of reporting a rash of strange and mysterious gnome lawn ornament burglaries in the area. Suddenly, the atmosphere began to become eerie and cold. Then a strange, glowing, pulsating grey mist seemed to arise from the ground and surround the house, while spooky, rapping and scratching sounds began emanating from just outside the home, accompanied by bone-chilling, guttural groans.
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Post by BitterSweet ® on Feb 7, 2019 15:30:38 GMT -5
AH~!!! A strange, glowing, pulsating grey mist seemed to arise from the ground and surround the house! Something I had grown familiar with whenever the channel was switched from CNN to Fox and Friends! I quickly reacted to this unearthly disruption and turned the tv off. Lurch will you play something soothing on the baby grand pleez? NO! not the grand baby I exclaimed!!! Just then, who do you think should appear holding a beer?
The End is near!
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Post by ROcK! on Feb 8, 2019 9:09:25 GMT -5
It was a pack of the missing garden gnomes, led by Ms McDonald's favorite little wily guy himself! Apparently they had all been drinking and partying throughout the evening and now had massive hangovers and were just looking for a place to crash for the night. The gnomes groggily shuffled their way inside and proceeded to make themselves at home. Some passed out on the couches while others headed to the bathroom where soon barfing and gagging sounds could be heard echoing throughout the place. One of the mischievous little gnomes couldn't even wait to make it to the bathroom and began to urinate in one of the potted house plants, while yet still others began to raid the kitchen for snacks and more beer. It was complete and utter chaos!
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Post by BitterSweet ® on Feb 8, 2019 10:21:19 GMT -5
It was Animal House, Ms. McDonald and *I thought as we observed the chaos and destruction within. UGH, we repeated in unison, at that very moment (looking at each other starting to laugh and chuckle uncontrollably)! Gnomes will be Gnomes, shaking our heads and winking* at each other! That day I made sure awl my small woodland creatures pitched in and cleaned up^ the mess that those pesky Gnomes had left, But as time will tell, it wasn't JUST Gnomes who invaded Ms. McDonald's house that night-
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Post by ROcK! on Feb 8, 2019 10:56:58 GMT -5
That's right! Suddenly another knocking came to the front door again. Upon answering it this time it was discovered to be none other than intrepid CNN fake news reporter Jimbo Accoster, along with his extensive news crew! He had been tipped off to the crazy happenings at the house and had also been informed by a reliable source that some of the gnomes had been spotted earlier in the evening wearing red MAGA hats and acting rowdy. Jimbo knew that he had a hot story on his hands and wanted to be the first to interview the gnomes about their suspected connections to Russia. Visions of receiving a Pulitzer Prize danced through his head as he pushed his way inside the house.
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Post by BitterSweet ® on Feb 8, 2019 11:46:15 GMT -5
But alas! Given a hot tip from a breitbart source, JA continued to search high and low for that elusive character, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, who was reported hiding out in this area, possibly getting a perm or a trendy pompadour! He was hoping to get a fake scoop from her before noticing the mischievous gnomes were awl donning MAGA hats! He immediately thought to himself, geez, those stupid idiots look ridiculous! Oooh well, he shrugged, to each his own! He then proceeded cautiously into the deep state of beer guzzling nut scratching + spitting aftermath of the ol`McDonald's Farm house nite b4! What else might he find there, rats perhaps?!?!
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Post by ROcK! on Feb 9, 2019 9:11:14 GMT -5
Snooping around the house for anything newsworthy, Jimbo soon found himself in the basement when all of a sudden a spectacular vortex of swirling bright light opened up in front of him. Startled yet fascinated, Jimbo was immediately drawn to the light. He could make out certain images of people and events on the other side, one in particular involving that of former 1st Lady and Senator, Hillary Clinton. It appeared to be a portal to another reality or time. Amazed at what he was seeing, Jimbo quickly entered the vortex in the hopes of interviewing Mrs. Clinton. Once on the other side of the vortex though, Jimbo quickly realized his mistake. Everything was in turmoil and chaos! The city around him looked like a disaster area. The skies were filled with ash and ominous black clouds and smoke, as fires burned out of control everywhere. A newspaper blowing in the wind abruptly slapped him in the face and he quickly grabbed it and began to read it. The headline simply read "WORLD WAR III!" in big bold letters and as he read further he discovered that Hillary Clinton was now the President of the United States, and the U.S. was currently involved in a huge war with Iran, North Korea, China and Russia as our enemies. Other stories in the paper revealed that the economy was in a shambles, unemployment was at an all-time high, poverty and despair was everywhere. "Oh, how could this have ever happened?!" he wondered to himself. Jimbo got down on his knees and began to cry out to the heavens, "I want to go back! Please, get me out of this hell!". Just then his guardian angel Clarence appeared and asked him if he had seen enough. "Yes! Oh, Yes! Please, Clarence, return me back to my own timeline! Please! I beg you!". Clarence obligingly snapped his fingers and just like that Jimbo found himself back in the basement of the house. He was still on his knees weeping with tears, but this time it was for joy, as he began kissing the floor in appreciation and relief to be back.
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Post by BitterSweet ® on Feb 9, 2019 11:00:21 GMT -5
However... our interpret Chief WH Correspondent awoke the next morning... awl sweaty and hot only to discover it had AWL been a bad bad night terroR! After looking in the mirror, he was reassured that he was still just as handsome... buff and ripped as he had been the night b4!~!! Speaking of the night b4, he vaguely remembers spotting a bad actor that he had thought was long gone, serving time up^ the river in one of those fancy prisons for the very rich! Had he been pardoned or something? Doesn't matter anymore, for JA figured by this time that he had spent way too much time on Capital Hill and decided at that moment to take a much needed vaca at his cabin in the woods! Until next time!
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Post by ROcK! on Feb 9, 2019 11:24:12 GMT -5
That bad actor was none other than Snobert De Nimrod! The washed-up, 2nd rate, Hollywood hack who is currently going through yet another nasty divorce while continuing to take out his micro-aggressions for his failing career and life out on our current beloved Commander in Chief. Yes, Snobert was secretly jealous that he could only play thugs, criminals, and deviants on the big screen for most of his career while never even remotely being considered to portray the part of an honorable, courageous, and admirable President of the U.S.A. on the silver screen.
Hmmm? One wonders what skeletons he might possibly have hiding in his closet?
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Post by BitterSweet ® on Feb 9, 2019 13:00:34 GMT -5
Y it wasn't an actor after awl...At least not the phenomenal stage and screen hollywood actor kind!~!!! But it was a bad actor nevertheless!~! Later that afternoon it came to him that who he observed the other evening was either Paul Manafort, Michael Cohn, Michael Flynn, Rick Gates or George Papadopoulos!!! Awl extremely BAD ACTORS!~!! There they were guzzling beer with the gnomes! It was not the domestic beer either... but the expensive imported variety!~! They were disgusting! Belching and barfing and grabbing awl the ladies they could find!
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Post by ROcK! on Feb 10, 2019 7:09:57 GMT -5
That is when it dawned on Jimbo that his true calling in life was to be an actor. After all, his gig at CNN was basically nothing more than a big acting job anyway. During his younger days at college he had always dreamed of quitting school, packing his bags and heading out to Broadway to audition for a part in "Cat's The Musical". "Ah, who am I kidding.", he thought to himself. Deep down inside he knew that he could never give up his profession as a fake news reporter. It was what he was born to do. It was in his blood and soul. Besides, he enjoyed the Washington lifestyle too much. It made him feel alive. Now if only the woman that he secretly loved would only acknowledge his existence. But she doesn't even give him the time of day. Yes, it was true, White House Press Secretary, Sarah Huckabee Sanders was the one and only woman for him. "If only she felt the same for me.", he thought to himself. "Why doesn't she notice me. Why doesn't she ever return my calls?". Looking solemn and sad, he sighed to himself and then took another swig of whiskey.
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Post by BitterSweet ® on Feb 11, 2019 11:27:40 GMT -5
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Post by ROcK! on Feb 11, 2019 12:27:20 GMT -5
Back at the cabin as he was unloading his supplies, a Park Ranger pulled up in a jeep. "Howdy! The name is Ranger Smith. I just wanted to alert all of the campers in the area to be on the lookout for a mysterious stranger that has been spotted lurking around the area recently. Nothing to be alarmed about, it's probably just a hiker or a bird watcher, but these days you just can't be too careful. It might be a good idea to make sure that all of your doors and windows are locked up at night too just in case. Oh, and also keep a close eye on any coolers, lunch boxes and picnic baskets you might have if you plan to do any eating outdoors. The bears around here have been known to get a little too pesky and mischievous whenever they smell food nearby. Have a nice day now!". "Thank you, Ranger Smith. I appreciate the heads up.", Jimbo replied as Ranger Smith left, and added, "And good day to you as well." Later that evening Jimbo decided that it would be nice to sit by a campfire and watch the stars. After all, it's been a long time since he had some time to himself in such a nice, beautiful secluded area far away from all of the hustle and bustle of the big city. As he strolled his way towards the campfire site he began to hear twigs cracking in the distance like someone or something were walking through the woods approaching him. "Oh, no, I hope it's not one of those hungry bears.", Jimbo thought to himself. Just then stepping out from behind a big tree stood a menacing figure just standing there ominously staring back at him. The person was wearing a beat up hockey mask and was carrying a machete in their right hand. Suddenly Jimbo became very nervous and weak in the knees. "Oh, sh#*! This can't be good." He thought to himself.
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Post by BitterSweet ® on Feb 11, 2019 12:51:28 GMT -5
Just as JA thought he very well might be taking his last breath; the masked machete intruder unmasked herself and divulged her true ID! It was none other than, well lets just say for the sake of intrigue, it was a secret admirer. An attractive women with smarts to match her beauty! "would U care to sit by the fire, he offered. Since she was smitten with his reporting skills anyway, she agreed to sit and not only that but volunteered to cook up^ some wieners on a stick! What a prick, wait I digress! She really didn't say THAT! But she did whisper something else very provocative in his earpiece!
Was she really a provocateur??? A Russian Spy perhaps???
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Post by ROcK! on Feb 12, 2019 9:58:45 GMT -5
Things quickly became passionate between the two and soon they decided to head back to the cabin to make out. Upon arriving at the cabin they discovered a strange book sitting on the coffee table. " Hmmm... That's weird?", Jimbo quipped. "I don't recall purchasing a book any time recently." The book appeared to be bound in brown leather with a gruesome face protruding from it. "Ooh!", his lady friend exclaimed. "A Horror novel. I just love a good, scary story. Let's snuggle on the couch together and read it." She excitedly started to flip through the book and it appeared to be of some unknown ancient writing, accompanied with odd and spooky illustrations in red ink. Suddenly the cabin began to shake violently as if by an earthquake, and eerie laughing sounds could be heard just outside the door. Just then the door burst wide open as heavy winds and leaves blew into the cabin everywhere. Looking bewildered, Jimbo noticed that his lady friend had suddenly began to change right before his eyes. Her teeth grew sharp and nasty, as did her finger nails. Her cheekbones began to protrude outwardly in a horrifying manner, and her eyes became white, bulbous, leering orbs surrounded by protruding, black eye sockets. "Yikes!" Jimbo yelped. "That's it, this date is officially over!" He quickly vacated the cabin and the demonic lady swiftly followed behind, cackling and laughing and waving her arms around wildly as if possessed. "I'll swallow your soul! I'll swallow your soul!", she cackled madly and then eerily laughed. As Jimbo tried to scurry away he bumped into a bear that had been digging in the trash can outside. The bear was wearing a hat just like a human, along with a bright red tie. "Hey, back off, bub! This can is taken!", the bear exclaimed. Just then the bear noticed the evil demon-possessed lady quickly approaching. The bear quickly took out a vial of holy water and a cross from underneath his hat, splashed the water on the demonic entity and yelled, "Begone evil demon. Go back to from whence you came!", along with a few other words in latin. The demon then let out a horrible scream and departed the woman's body and fled. Jimbo and the lady appeared confused and shaken at what they had just experienced. "Who are you?", Jimbo asked incredulously. "Hey there it's Yogi Bear! It's a good thing that my friend Boo Boo and I just happened to be in the neighborhood, eh friend?" "Yes! I mean, thank you", Jimbo replied. "But how did you know how to stop the demon?", he asked the bear. "Oh, those things... They roam the forests at night around here all the time. Isn't that right, my little buddy, Boo Boo?". The little bear Boo Boo answered back, "That's right, Yogi. And luckily for you Yogi is also a trained Exorcist." Jimbo and the lady began to nervously chuckle, and the bears began to join them. Soon they were all uproariously laughing together. Then they all went out together to a Denny's Restaurant for a late night snack.
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Post by BitterSweet ® on Feb 12, 2019 12:22:20 GMT -5
Hmmm! Well, realizing that he had Spicy Chili CON Carne with Jalapenos the night b4; he chocked it awl up^ to bad dreams that haunted him all night; Even though he was not a `Dreamer`he reached for his binoculars! Looking out of the small cabin window, he actually did notice a big brown Bear climbing into the pine tree! `AH HA`! JA exclaimed, and chuckled, knowing full well that he was hung, I mean that he hung the perishables high enough like any good Eagle Scout would do! U Hoo, he called out to his earlier guest. Sausage?
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Post by ROcK! on Feb 12, 2019 12:32:11 GMT -5
"It appears that we have had much too much of Vampÿre wine last night, my dearest darling. Shall we depart now for my chambers? I can hardly wait for me to say Yess! Uhhh... I mean, I await your response, my darling dearest." Jimbo said in his most sexiest voice, between tasty bites of sausage.
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Post by BitterSweet ® on Feb 12, 2019 14:16:55 GMT -5
CHAMBERS? I amUzingly inquired~~~U have CHAMBERS in th!s unassuming little cabin in the woods??? These very woods so deep and dark??? Doesn't matter *I whispered faintly in his ear! I have promises to keep and a deadline to meet! As I slipped on my hunting jacket and stilettos, he seemed to get a bit more agitated and aggravated that I was not staying, so I promised him that I would return AFTER the sun went down to enjoy MORE of that delicious Vampÿre wine, and cheese dip!~!
Wisconsin cheese, I assume? And off I flew!~!!
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Post by ROcK! on Feb 12, 2019 14:43:53 GMT -5
"Awww, Dang It! She forgot to leave me her name and her number. Awww, well. That's women for ya'." Jimbo decided to not let that bother him and to try and make the most of the rest of his stay at the cabin and hunker down with some popcorn, some freshly-brewed coffee, and watch some Fox News just for laughs. "Ahhhh, now this is the life.", he thought to himself. "No worries, no troubles, no scripts, teleprompters or blue screens." Just then a rap, rap, rapping came tap tap tapping to the door. Now whoever could it be this time, he wondered to himself?
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Post by BitterSweet ® on Feb 12, 2019 16:43:11 GMT -5
As he opened the door, no one was there! Must be the wind whipping up^ !~! Getting back to his tale of Whoa... Damn Damn Double Damn...Shot down again and it's not even July, he thought to himself!~! But as he took a gander outside, he was distracted by the heavy snow starting to fall and JA realized at that moment that he had made NO previous provisions for a nor`easter!!! He rapidly readied his Jeep, already clad with sturdy snow truck tires that could climb Mt. Edna if need be! Grabbing his Jansport backpack and his companion, Jack Daniels, they drove off together__down that treacherous mountain pass!
As he put the petal to the metal... he remembered that he had to get back to play Word Chums game... in a couple of hours!!! |
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Post by ROcK! on Feb 13, 2019 7:45:34 GMT -5
As Jimbo hit the highway he put on some cool shades, cranked up Steppenwolf's "Born to Be Wild" on the radio and floored it homeward bound. He couldn't wait to get back to his reporting job at CNN and be in front of the cameras again. Suddenly from out of nowhere a beautiful blonde in a red Ferrari sped up alongside of Jimbo's Jeep and gave him a flirtatious wink. "Hey now!" Jimbo thought to himself. Smiling back at her he flipped up his shades and winked in return. "She wants me." He thought to himself. "Jimbo, you've still got it, my man."
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Post by BitterSweet ® on Feb 13, 2019 14:21:55 GMT -5
As he continues swerving back n forth down that windy road, visualizing being in that classic scene from "Vacation", he laughs out loud to himself and shakes his head! Buck up^! He thought!!! Saying to himself, Ur a responsible, serious journalist/ not a ridiculous caricature of an imbecile in a `family truckster`!~!! Straightening his tie by now, he began to feel like the old self confident JA! Just then he cringed at the thought of what may have transpired back in Washington while he was on Sabbatical.
I'm starving and there's a Wendy's! |
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Post by ROcK! on Feb 13, 2019 14:29:31 GMT -5
Meanwhile, Back in Washington...
"Cow farts are killing us! We only have 12 more years until Armageddon arrives! Tax the rich!! Starve the poor!", Alexandria Ocrazio-Cortez cried.
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Post by BitterSweet ® on Feb 13, 2019 14:42:00 GMT -5
Meanwhile, Back in Washington...
"Cow farts are killing us! We only have 12 more years until Armageddon arrives! Tax the rich!! Starve the poor!", Alexandria Ocrazio-Cortez cried. |
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Post by ROcK! on Feb 13, 2019 14:48:14 GMT -5
"O-O"Exactly! That was what most smart-thinking Americans response was to Ocrazio's "Green New Deal" program."Green New Deal" - also referred to as the "New New Deal" - is a term used to describe any stimulus package that aims to address both financial crises and environmental issues such as climate change. Cow Farts and Climate Change
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Post by ROcK! on Feb 13, 2019 15:26:46 GMT -5
AnyWhoO0ooO00oooO, Just then up on the road ahead, Jimbo spotted a maniacal Road Warrior. But, not just any Road Warrior mind you... It was Wez himself, Lord Humungus' own right-hand man. Yeah... Wez was pissed off about something again. Most-likely it was the lack of gas. And we're not talking about Cow farts here either, people.
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