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Post by ROcK! on Apr 21, 2014 13:08:06 GMT -5
...to click on this thread. Ha! Made you look!
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Post by SweetLadyStarlight on Jan 11, 2017 20:06:35 GMT -5
GRRRRRR!!! Suckered AGAIN!!! 
**bops ROcK over the head with a pillow**
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Post by The Eye on Mar 29, 2017 10:59:18 GMT -5
D'OH! Eye can't believe Eye fell for this!!
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Post by ROcK! on Oct 11, 2017 11:29:39 GMT -5
Haha! Made you look again!
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Post by Spudboy on Jan 2, 2018 13:53:47 GMT -5
*Puff!
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Post by Busty Buffy on Oct 9, 2019 11:21:38 GMT -5
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Post by OrangeJulius on Oct 11, 2019 16:37:52 GMT -5
I don't know what to do.
Nothing much brings me pleasure anymore.
I don't know how much I personally have changed, however, I do know that being shelterless in San Francisco for nearly two full years changed me dramatically.
I was more happy when I was shelterless.
A question that will never be answered that damages me to no end was what killed my relationship out there.
...
I lost everything for the risk of a potential future with her and honestly I doubt that was ever on her mind.
Sure, in American Pie movie a teenager believes his ego is stroked because he was used for sex...
I currently believe I was used.
...
In a nutshell.
I am trying to attain pleasure daily until I die.
I believe this is depression , depression on a level that I have never experienced.
I haven't said anything for weeks because I didn't care to be a downer.
I was certainly happier when I was constently preoccupied with meeting my basic needs, food and tobacco.
It doesn't help that I liked her enough that I still think about her frequently even when its over and I haven't seen her in over a year.
I cannot imagine how broken a man must feel when still enamored by a former wife.
...
Basically I don't know what to do to change my fate now however I do know that I was cheated.
I wasn't raised correctly and further abandoned by a wealthy adopted parent whose children , by my assessment followed his example and thought it acceptable to likewise abandon me.
...
Everywhere I go there is something to remind me of how great I had it in my youth.
If I could miraculously go back I would focus on education and hopefully avoid the trap of drugs.
Hard when a parent nutures illicit drug use.
I digress.
...
In a nutshell.
I am attempting to distract myself , somehow finding pleasure until my death.
Death again , is a fear, because I was raised to believe in Christ and now as an adult I cannot.
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What is there?
If nothing brings much pleasure anymore?
While simultaneously believing the afterlife could be exponentially much much worse.
...
I knew the risk of going.
I didn't know the omnipresent misery would be a caveat.
...
I don't believe this state of mind is 'fixable' with any medication.
It is hard to explain.
Having lived without want is a curse.
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Post by OrangeJulius on Oct 11, 2019 16:41:03 GMT -5
I am extremely thankful that I can share my thoughts here.
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Post by ROcK! on Oct 12, 2019 7:56:44 GMT -5
Hang in there, Tim. Things will get better soon. At least that's what I keep telling myself. Some days I literally have to force myself to face the day. Once you get to be my age you just really get sick and tired of all the bullshit and just making it day to day.
I wonder whatever happened to Wonder Woman? I haven't heard from her in quite a while now. Did you say that she got married?
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Post by OrangeJulius on Oct 13, 2019 11:56:41 GMT -5
When we first were getting to know one another she gave me a site to look her up.
I believe it was truthfinder.
It updated and says she is married.
If true, she was married when we were in a relationship.
Her privacy insistence and anger at merely posting her initials on Facebook makes much more sense with that information.
The relationship is an idea I try not to think about.
I have questions that will never be answered.
...
I was hopeful for a future together and if she was married and hid that while simultaneously helping me move to come see her ... that adds an element of pain to being abandoned when I ran into the perfect storm and lost everything.
That landlord was a nightmare.
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I ultimately know I was deeply changed by the experience.
You didn't notice that she deleted all her posts here?
...
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Post by ROcK! on Oct 13, 2019 12:50:54 GMT -5
Wow! That is a total shocker, if true! And yeah, I did notice how she deleted a lot of her posts here, and changed her screen name to "A".
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Post by OrangeJulius on Dec 9, 2019 19:42:11 GMT -5
It is what it is.
Ironically Mysterious
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