I peed in my backyard today.

Good Question! Unfortunately these days you just can't tell! xD

Relevant ?

In my youth, contemplating immortality as a vampire ...the best part, never having to use a lavatory.

...

Things you aren't told about aging... using the bathroom increasingly becomes more of an annoyance.

I could entirely go without having to eat and of course, use the lavatory.

Now, at nearly fifty, I no longer can sleep for more than five hours.

Thing is, I wake because I have to go. Then wait, awake for upwards of an hour, finally go. Then spend at least another hour , often merely attempting , to return to sleep.

...

Just another fact that truly makes me "done".

Tommorow is rarely worse, however , I know without doubt that eventually it will be.

...

My life has been a lot of pain and loss.

Saying so that it is better understood when I say.

Given nearly unlimited resources.

Say a billion net worth.

I would have a full time concierge tasked with finding precisely whichever drugs and call girls I wanted.

...

Odd, considering I don't do any drugs , save alcohol , caffeine and nicotine and wouldn't touch a prostitute.

However with nearly unlimited resources...

I certainly wouldn't be rolling with "7 gram rocks" of crack like Charles Sheen

Premium quality hard drugs and "bitches galore" if you get my drift.

...

Essentially , even given unlimited resources , I would choose to end my life.
Through more pain , a sea of endless parties and 'exclusive' 'call girls'.

I completely understand when Elon Musk openly and publicly asserted that you would not want his life, more or less.

...

I can understand my attempting to enrich and bring happiness to the lives of people that I like.

However , personally , the loss from my life only makes escaping from loss possible for me, not happiness.

So

In simplistic terms ...A sea of

Hookers and Blow

Till death

You know money is no object call girls and at minimum 80 percent pure dope.

Sad

Sums it up, Sad.

Can anyone fathom the cognitive dissonance?

I don't do any drugs nor frequent prostitutes.

However given unlimited resources and access to premium , world class, narcotics and whores.

I'd kill myself , eventually , taking that dreadful ride.

...

I love and care for a great many people.

However

Given absolute knowledge that regardless of how we die, the afterlife is bliss and happiness ... I would schedule a time when I wouldn't be found, go to Home Depot, Lowes or REI and purchase a rope.

...

That truthfully is how 'done' that I am.

I don't walk in your shoes, nor do I know your thoughts.

From what I do know I am happy that you most likely do not experience what I do or truly feel the way that I do.

...

Basically , my only source of happiness nowadays is vicarious , seeing people I like apparently happy.

...

So, it generally speaking , brings slight joy to my life knowing that you urinated in your back yard while simultaneously being mildly concerned that an apparently androgynous cable installing technician was nearby and might see you relieving yourself on your property.

Returning to California , I knew the worst case scenario.

It happened.

Was worse, didn't know I liked her that much.

And apparently I was never intended to be more than a fling, toy boy or whatever.

I should have immediately stopped when blocked on Facebook before even moving. I should have known, right then.

If your life is so private your significant other isn't included then?

Wrongfully evicted, property stolen and living without shelter at length...

Being told, in a nutshell , simultaneously ..."Please don't return to where I live, I 'care' about you, and do you have any Trump stuff left'. Certainly does a number on your brain.

As well, a website , referenced by them personally to 'check them out' updating to say that they are married.

I don't ultimately known what changed me forever.

I known I still think the world of them while simultaneously questioning whether they are just a horrible person that had completely intended to use me from the very beginning.

I continue to suspect that their financial investment was a longshot hope that I was concealing my family money.

...

In a nutshell , it does not help having arguably famous relatives and knowing that someone with above average technical knowledge , simultaneous nosy, would easily know that your family has wealth beyond and before that generated by your performer sibling.

None of it is mine, I never expect a penny of it, even when , per divorce decree I am entitled by law, specific clause.
I know I still will not receive a cent.
I have zero intention to bring litigation.

Oddly enough, I wasn't raised that way.
I was raised to detest civil attorneys.

We didn't have enormous resources by todays standards.

However , I still love my brothers, even having not spoken in years. I would still forfeit my life for either of them.
Even still, in a way they will never be self aware ...They are snobbish , and entitled.

Is it any wonder why my performer brother wants me silent online?
His personna back story, say Wikipedia , to market his music is largely a bunch of rubbish.

...

I know the truth

Sucks getting an epiphany that the family that no longer speak with you, you got off lucky(in a nutshell ).

As far as I am concerned , family is family.

...

The rewarding part, In the end, I know that I am not the bad guy.

I know how you must be feeling, Tim. My family and friends could have been way more supportive and understanding than they were throughout my life for me as well. Sometimes I wonder how I have even survived this long in life? Some days I even wonder what keeps me going from day to day? And then I listen to a favorite song of mine. And that's what really helps keep me going. Rock 'N' Roll will never turn it's back on you or let you down.

I actually had to resort to the backyard when I was still living at home as a teenager back in the 80's.....maybe this is why newer houses have 2 bathrooms.........& yes, when it was cold it sucked!!

Virus? VIRUS!

Hope it wasn't the androgynous cable technician.

Rumor has it, cable technicians see more tail than bartenders and toilet seats combined.

Surely I jest.

A few years ago I had my bathroom remodeled and that job took over two weeks to complete. I urinated in the backyard bushes quite frequently during that period of time. We also had a bedside commode available for use here as well. And we also spent a few nights at a cheap hotel. I am still thankful that's over with!

I have signed up for membership to a few adult pay sites over the years, Naughty America, and Brazzers to name a couple. And you are right, I never had any issues or problems with their sites. The thing is though that I haven't even visited Pornhub, or any other free porn site in weeks now, so I am really not sure where this latest virus came from? I did use You Tube Downloader to download a few videos off of You Tube recently so I am wondering if that is possibly where this latest virus came from? So I have deleted YTD from my computer and will not be downloading from it anymore. I ended up having to reset my computer to it's original factory settings in order to clear up the problem, which was a big hassle. But it's been working trouble-free for me for a couple of days now so far, so it appears to have worked.