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Post by ROcK! on Jun 26, 2017 13:40:18 GMT -5
Here's one that I heard from a friend of mine's dad many years ago that I always love to share with others...A plumber gets a call from a little old lady to fix a broken sink. He shows up at her apartment at the scheduled time, knocks on the door and hears a voice ask, "Who is it?" He answers, "It's the plumber. I've come to fix the kitchen sink." A couple minutes go by and no one answers the door. He knocks again and hears the voice, "Who is it?", So he answers again, "It's the plumber. I've come to fix the kitchen sink." Still nobody opens the door. The plumber is starting to get a little bit flustered now and knocks again. "Who is it?" the voice asks again. "It's the plumber! I've come to fix the kitchen sink!" Again no one opens the door. The plumber is furious by now and is just about ready to leave but tries one more time and knocks on the door. "Who is it?", he hears the voice say once again. "IT'S THE PLUMBER! I'VE COME TO FIX THE KITCHEN SINK!!!" Suddenly the plumber grabs his chest and keels over dead from a heart attack. A few minutes later a little old lady shows up at the doorstep of the apartment carrying a bag of groceries, sees the dead body and says aloud, "Oh dear! Who is it?", and inside her pet Parrot answers, "It's the plumber. He's come to fix the kitchen sink. Squawk!"
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Post by ROcK! on Jun 26, 2017 13:48:27 GMT -5
Here's another one...
An overweight man who had tried everything to lose weight and still couldn't no matter what he tried doing went to his doctor and said, "Doc, I'm desperate. I have tried every diet in the book and nothing has helped me to lose weight. I need your help!" The doctor replied, "It just so happens that we are working with a new experimental weight loss program and could use a volunteer. Please show up at this address tomorrow at the appointed time.", and then gives the man a paper with the address.
The man shows up on time at the clinic and is greeted by a secretary who tells him that he has been expected and to please take a seat in the next room. The man enters the room and sees a large indoor running track. He takes a seat and before long a totally gorgeous woman wearing short-shorts and a revealing tank top enters the room. She shakes his hand and says, "I am your appointed personal trainer for today. Here is the program--I will start to run on the track and if you can catch me, you get to fuck me." The man can't believe what he's hearing from this very sexy lady but she starts to run and he soon starts chasing after her.
Lap after lap they go around but finally the guy catches up and tags the girl and sure enough she lets him go at it. It is some of the best sex that he's ever had. Afterwards he showers and they weigh him and incredibly he has lost 10 whole pounds. He quicky schedules another appointment for the following week.
Next week comes around and the man is really excited. He enters the clinic, takes a seat and waits. Soon enough the door opens and in walks a large, hairy biker dude. "Hello", says the biker dude. "I will be your personal trainer for tonight. Here's the deal. I'll give you a head start on the track and if I catch you I get to fuck you." Needless to say the guy worked off a lot of weight that night.
Good luck with your new thread, Anna!
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Post by ROcK! on Jun 26, 2017 14:18:52 GMT -5
My favorite swear word is "Fuck!". Followed closely by, "Shit!".
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Post by Zorak on Jun 26, 2017 16:28:35 GMT -5
Zorak - I'm gonna kick your ass
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Post by OrangeJulius on Jun 26, 2017 17:44:12 GMT -5
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Post by OrangeJulius on Jun 26, 2017 17:50:47 GMT -5
A 'few' jokes to 'contribute' when I 'have the time'.
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Post by ROcK! on Jun 27, 2017 8:36:24 GMT -5
One morning a guy named Ray is shaving in the bathroom when his Landscaper Bubba comes in to pee. Ray takes a quick peek and is shocked at how well-endowed Bubba is. He asks Bubba what his secret is.
"Well," says Bubba, "Every time before I climb into bed, I whack my penis on the bedpost three times. It works, and it sure impresses the Ladies!"
Ray gets excited at this news and decides to give it a try starting that very night. Later that night he arrives home from work very late and his wife is already in bed asleep. Before climbing into bed though Ray suddenly remembers Bubba's advice and so he takes out his penis and whacks it three times on the bedpost. His wife suddenly starts to awaken groggily yet still half-asleep and asks, "Bubba? Is that you?"
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Post by ROcK! on Jun 27, 2017 12:40:57 GMT -5
Nice! Now you can go sneak off and have yourself an extended lunch break!
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Post by ROcK! on Jun 27, 2017 17:16:55 GMT -5
Is it okay to eat a piece of Cauliflower drenched in Ranch Dressing that sat on the floor for nearly 5 minutes? Because I just did! Am I gonna die?!
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Post by ROcK! on Jun 28, 2017 7:24:23 GMT -5
Anna, if it is a You Tube video then all you need to do is to cut and paste the URL to it and then click on the clapboard icon when making a post and then paste the URL where it says "Video URL" and then click the "Insert Video" button. If it is a GIF or image file then click on the picture icon when making a post and paste the URL there. Hope this helps!
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Post by SweetLadyStarlight on Jun 28, 2017 11:00:14 GMT -5
  Confucius say "Man who run in front of car get tired; man who run behind car get exhausted."
Confucius say "Virginity like bubble...one prick, all gone."
Confucius say "Man who stand on toilet is high on pot."
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Post by SweetLadyStarlight on Jun 28, 2017 11:08:44 GMT -5
Is it okay to eat a piece of Cauliflower drenched in Ranch Dressing that sat on the floor for nearly 5 minutes? Because I just did! Am I gonna die?!
Uh oh, I've heard of the 5-SECOND rule for eating something dropped on the floor, but never 5 MINUTES...
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Post by Space Ghost on Jun 28, 2017 11:17:26 GMT -5
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Post by ROcK! on Jun 28, 2017 12:10:27 GMT -5
Uh oh, I've heard of the 5-SECOND rule for eating something dropped on the floor, but never 5 MINUTES...
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Post by Brak on Jun 28, 2017 12:31:25 GMT -5
Hey, Buddy!
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Post by ROcK! on Jun 28, 2017 12:51:16 GMT -5
Drunk, eh? Drunk off life? Or?? 
It was just a couple of beers? Okay, maybe a few?  |
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Post by ROcK! on Jun 28, 2017 15:00:37 GMT -5
Haha! I've actually been trying to cut back on them, but, yesterday was my day off and old habits are hard to break.
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Post by ROcK! on Jun 28, 2017 16:53:00 GMT -5
Let's try again... Ugh. ![]() |
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Post by ROcK! on Jun 28, 2017 17:57:55 GMT -5
Nice job! 
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Post by OrangeJulius on Jun 30, 2017 5:58:03 GMT -5
Man, that Shaq/cat gif is messed-up.
That cat fuck this , fuck that gif is GREAT.
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Post by ROcK! on Jun 30, 2017 12:09:26 GMT -5
The REAL Origins Of The F-Word? | Susie Dent's Guide To Swearing |
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Post by OrangeJulius on Jul 5, 2017 18:56:08 GMT -5
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Post by OrangeJulius on Jul 5, 2017 18:56:53 GMT -5
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Post by OrangeJulius on Jul 5, 2017 19:06:25 GMT -5
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Post by OrangeJulius on Jul 5, 2017 19:11:02 GMT -5
I just ordered the CD from Amazon ...Again ... In the early days of the Internet it took me months to find a copy.
No joke.
There used to be sites where you could post whatever rare item that you were looking for.
I located a replacement copy of this CD through one such website many years ago.
Today , click Amazon click a copy is on the way.
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Post by OrangeJulius on Jul 7, 2017 0:40:03 GMT -5
I wish I had this song in my youth, I'd play it routinely in my car. Whenever , 'that guy' was riding in my car. |
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Post by ROcK! on Jul 7, 2017 10:19:54 GMT -5
A woman goes to the hardware store for a hinge, finds it and brings it to the checkout counter and the clerk asks her ''Do you want a screw for that hinge?''
She answers, ''No, but I'll blow you for that toaster in the window.''
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Post by OrangeJulius on Jul 7, 2017 21:48:40 GMT -5
This , place... I've come to the right place.
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Post by OrangeJulius on Jul 9, 2017 17:58:55 GMT -5
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Post by OrangeJulius on Jul 9, 2017 18:00:35 GMT -5
Another one from our friend Jim Riffel's associates ...And my ordered rare CD
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